Managing finances for my family is weighing on me (52M). How can I share responsibility with my wife (46F) who hasn't handled money well before?
Since my wife and I combined our finances 5 years ago, I've been solely responsible for managing our money. We've been married for 5 years, together for 12. We both work, but it's my job to pay all the bills, budget, and decide where our money goes.
It's gotten to the point where my wife will ask me which card to use when we're out shopping. She doesn't know our account balances or where her money is going. I've given her access to all our financial information and accounts, but she never checks them.
In the past, when she was responsible for some bills, they would often go months overdue because she'd forget to pay them. So I took over everything. I have systems that work for me, but it takes up a lot of my time and mental energy. With two young grandkids we often babysit and living mostly paycheck-to-paycheck, money is always on my mind.
The issue is that because I handle everything, my wife doesn't grasp the impact of unexpected expenses. She'll often tell me about a large purchase right before it's due, not realizing how much work it is for me to adjust our budget. When I get frustrated, she tells me to relax and that she's been busy with other things.
I want to change this dynamic. I'm starting to resent being solely responsible. When she asks which card to use, I want to say "You have access to all the same information I do. Why don't you know?" But she just says there's no point in her knowing when I already have the answer.
I'd like to split the financial responsibilities more evenly, but I'm worried about late payments and things getting shut off if I'm not in control. How can I involve her more without putting our finances at risk? Any advice on sharing this burden would be appreciated.